I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
