CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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