Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
