Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
