im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
