Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
