This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Randomize
