I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
