my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
