that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
