Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
