Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
