Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
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