loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
