dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
