Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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