My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
