32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
