I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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