i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
