he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
