Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
