Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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