Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i think i have herpe
just one?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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