Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
