You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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