Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
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