I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
