I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
