Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
