I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
