I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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