if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
