flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
