I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
