hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
All I want is dick and wine.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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