i don't like sucking hair
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
