i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
