Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
