If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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