you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
We talked him into tasing himself.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
