I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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