All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
