do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
no, he came in my armpit
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
