i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Randomize
