I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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