So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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