I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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