Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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