Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
he told me I talked like a deaf person
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
