Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
