I wish my penis had an off switch
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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