The brown eye won't let me do that either.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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