mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
